


fuck bitches, get Monet

by contessellation



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Art Museum AU, F/F, tumblr post prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-03-30 23:51:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13962768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/contessellation/pseuds/contessellation
Summary: Lexa works as a gallery associate at the Polis Museum of Art. Clarke is a student at Arkadia College of Art and Design. The two encounter each other in the galleries. Hilarity ensues.Based on the following tumblr post:"I'm at a museum right now and I'm really bored so I was taking a selfie and this rly hot guard said " please do not take pictures of the artwork" and I apologized and explained I was only taking a selfie and he goes "I know" and winked"All museum related stuff is based on my actual job.Gifted to dreamsaremywords for inspiring me with her writing and always responding to my ridiculous snaps as I write!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DreamsAreMyWords](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamsAreMyWords/gifts).



Lexa unwound her scarf from her neck, as she walked into the staff doors of the museum. “Hey Matt,” she greeted the dock security guard, as she marked an X by her name on the sign in sheet. “How’s it going?”

“Another day in paradise,” he chuckled.

“See you later.” She grinned and turned to the break room, leaving her lunch box in the communal fridge before scanning her badge at the basement door. A quick beep at each door, and she made her way to the office.

“Morning!” she called to Anya, Lincoln, and Nyko. She grabbed a radio, signing it out on the log and pulling her headset from its drawer. Nametag and daily rotation sheet in hand, she clocked in and headed back upstairs for the morning touch base meeting.

Gustus sipped his coffee, as Lexa quietly sat down next to him. “Nothing exciting on the schedule for today,” he said.

“Nope,” she replied. “Starting off the day with seventy-five 5th graders, and then absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.”

9:45 came quickly, and Anya called the team to attention, rattling off the meager list of daily events. “Highland Park Elementary, 75 5th graders, touring this morning from 10 to 10:50. Women’s Board has a meeting in Talmage conference room at 12. There will be roaming docents from 1 to 3. Tris, anything to add from the front desk?”

Everyone turned, as Tris replied, “Yes, we had a group from ACAD call, Kane is going to be bringing about 30 students in to sketch in the galleries. They do have access to special exhibitions, and make sure they’re only using pencils. They’ll be here at 2 this afternoon.”

“Got it,” replied Anya, jotting a note down on her clipboard. “Well, I think that’s it. Let me know when you’re on post.”

The team scattered, getting in their last minute coffee before the museum opened for the day.

Lexa glanced down at her rotation again before switching her radio on and sliding on her earpiece. She pressed the button her headset, speaking into the mic, _“Lexa on post, South Hall.”_ She sighed and prepared herself for the wave of 75 5th graders excitedly exploring the museum.

* * *

Lexa stretched her back, groaning as the joints popped. Two and a half hours had passed since the school tours left and the galleries had been silent. “I think I’ve only seen 10 different people,” she whined to Nyko, rotating to her next set of galleries.

“I had to show a woman the rotation. She thought I was following her,” he replied.

She rolled her eyes. For whatever reason, visitors always think Nyko follows them.

Anya walked up, interrupting her train of thought. “Go to lunch,” she said. Lexa obeyed without hesitation, ready to be off her feet for half an hour.

2 PM rolled around faster than Lexa would have liked, and she hurriedly packed up the remains of her lunch. She trudged toward the front desk, mentally preparing for the next three hours of boredom.

She pushed through the door separating the public Atrium space from staff offices and readjusted her earpiece. _“Anya, I’m on my way back,”_ she said into the radio. _“You can go ahead and —“_ Lexa’s voice trailed off, as she caught sight of the beautiful blonde standing by the front desk.

 _“Lexa?”_ Anya’s voice squawked in her ear. _“Lexa, what’s going on?”_

Lexa crept towards the special exhibition galleries, unable to take her eyes off the blonde.

 _“Anya,”_ she squeaked into the radio, _“Can you meet me in special exhibitions mid?”_

_“I’m covering a lunch, one that, by the way, you just told me to go cover. Is it an emergency?”_

_“Right. Yep. No, I’m good. Thanks.”_ Lexa steeled herself, shaking off her suddenly foggy brain. Yanking open the door to the special exhibitions galleries, she took a lap of her space, which was empty of visitors.

Her phone buzzed.

2:02 PM

Anya Pine

What the fuck was that?

Lexa shook her head, brain still hung up on the mystery girl.

2:03 PM

Lexa Woods

There was this girl at the desk, and I just lost my head for a second.

2:03 PM

Anya Pine

God, you useless lesbian.

Lexa turned towards the gallery wall, slipping her phone back into her apron pocket, before lightly thudding her forehead against the wall. “Stupid,” she whispered. “Get it together, Woods.”

A thud on the glass doors snapped Lexa out of her melodramatic monologue. She turned, preparing to encourage whichever visitor had tried to push the door to pull it open. Her jaw dropped when her gaze met the blue eyes of the blonde from the front desk.

Regaining her professionalism quickly, she walked up to the group. “Welcome to the new special exhibition,” she said. “Photography is encouraged, just no flash. You’ll note tread tape lines on the floor in front of many of the paintings. Please respect those barriers with your whole body.” She finished her spiel with a flourish, gesturing her hands up and down her body to emphasize the phrase “whole body.”

Lexa swallowed, as the blonde’s eyes raked her body, long after she stopped gesturing.

“Enjoy,” her voice cracked, as she waved the group into the exhibition.

* * *

Clarke ran into the brunette guard again while finishing a puzzle in the special exhibition. Again in a gallery filled with Star Wars art and bootleg toys. When she walked into a gallery filled with impressionist paintings, she found she wasn’t shocked to see the girl again.

“Hello again,” she grinned. “I think you might be following me.”

The brunette stumbled. “No, no,” she said. “I swear, we have a rotation we have to follow. It happens a lot, I just end up on the same path as people—” She reached into her apron, pulling out a folded piece of paper covered in charts and numbers.

“Hey, no. It’s ok. I was joking.” Clarke laughed. “I believe you..” She leaned in closer to the girl, reading her name tag. “..Lexa.”

Lexa inhaled sharply at the blonde’s closeness.

“I’m Clarke, by the way.” She pulled out her pencils and sat down on the bench in front of a Monet painting.

“That one’s my favorite.” Lexa gestured to the large painting, its gold frame setting off the purples and greens of the weeping willow tree.

“Mine too. I used to come here with my dad when I was a kid. This piece inspired me to start drawing.”

“Enjoy your sketching.” Lexa walked off, continuing her rounds of the galleries.

Clarke watched the girl leave, confused by her rapid departure.

* * *

 

Lexa’s hands shook, as she texted Anya.

4:15 PM

Lexa Woods

Anya, I’ve run into her four times now. Help.

Three dots appeared and disappeared as Anya wrote her response.

4:18 PM

Anya Pine

I mean, you managed to talk to her right? Give her your number. Use a pickup line for all I care.

 

Lexa switched apps on her phone, scrolling through her Tumblr dashboard, trying to distract herself from the blonde roaming the galleries. As she scrolled, a post caught her eye, and she stopped dead in her tracks. She took a screenshot and sent it to Anya.

4:25 PM

Lexa Woods

Think this will work?

Attachment: IMG_143

 

4:26 PM

Anya Pine

Holy shit dude. Please do that.

 

4:26 PM

Lexa Woods

Now I just have to hope she takes a selfie.

* * *

 

Clarke ambled around the galleries, making use of every last minute the museum was open. Walking into a large glass-ceiling courtyard, she took in the large colorful sculpture filling the space.

“Wow,” she mused. “I wonder if that’s a Chihuly.” 

She pulled out her phone to snap a quick selfie with the piece, when she heard a throat clearing behind her. 

“Please do not take pictures of the artwork.” Lexa said sternly. 

Clarke glanced sideways. “Oh, I was just taking a selfie.” 

“I know.” Lexa winked. 

Clarke laughed. “Oh, I see how it is. That’s bold. I like it.” Ripping a page out of her sketchbook, she quickly jotted something down on the paper, handing it to Lexa before leaving the courtyard. 

Lexa looked down at the paper in shock that her pickup line had worked. In Clarke’s flourished handwriting, “I thought you said photography was encouraged. Text me. 202-233-2856. —Clarke” 

She quickly snapped a picture of the page.

4:55 PM

Lexa Woods

ANya. It worked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet again.

Lexa hovered her fingers over her iPhone screen anxiously, Clarke’s number in the new message recipient line.

“But what would I even say?” she muttered. “Hey, I’m that creep who hit on you at the art museum?” She shook her head.

Before she could make a decision, Indra’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Good morning, everyone!” Indra called. “Let’s get this meeting started.” She paused while the gallery associates gathered around her. “Welcome to PMA, Saturday edition. It’s going to be a busy one. There’s a wedding happening in the Pavilion from 12-3. Roaming Docents will be here 12-4, and we have a public walk in tour on PMA Favorites from 12-12:50. Open Studio, 1-4. Most importantly, prepare yourselves, because it is Girl Scout Day! Yes. It’s that day once again.”

The staff groaned, and Indra glared, silencing them all quickly.

“600 girl scouts and leaders will be here from 1-4 PM. Their home base will be the auditorium, but they will have events in the Ready Room, the Forum, the Innovation Lab, and the Studio. Their scavenger hunt will take them throughout the museum, so be ready for that. I have copies of their schedules and itineraries for everyone. It’s going to be busy, but we’re going to kill it because you all are rockstars. Have a wonderful day, and let me know when you get on post!”

Lexa took the sheet of paper, glancing quickly over the information, and sighed. That many self-guided children usually meant chaos on the floor. Artwork being touched. Furniture being moved. Connectors destroyed, their prompt papers scattered throughout the galleries. Post-its EVERYWHERE. At that thought, she chugged the last of her bitter coffee and squared her shoulders. “Bring it.”

* * *

Lexa looked up from her clipboard at the clang of the door opening. A small herd of girl scouts flooded through, chattering excitedly. “Look!” one shrieked, running over to the large Maya Lin sculpture on the floor. Oohs and ahhs followed, as the troop of scouts crowded up to the sculpture.

Sensing an impending disaster, Lexa spoke up. “Hello friends!” She got the scouts’ attention. “What do we think of this piece?”

“I like it!” cried one scout.

“Me too!” piped up another.

“It makes me feel dizzy,” a small blonde girl squeaked.

Lexa chuckled. “What do you like about it?” she asked.

“The shapes!”

“It looks like it moves!”

“I want to roll a matchbox car down it!” The girls all called out their answers.

Lexa smiled. “What do you think would happen if we got on our bellies on the floor and looked at it?”

GASPS. Lay on the floor? In an art museum?

The girls quickly threw themselves to the floor, eager to explore from a new angle.

“How does it look from down here?” Lexa asked.

“Like hills!”

“Yeah, mountains!”

“What would happen if we rolled over onto our backs?” Lexa asked.

The scouts rolled over, relishing in the silliness of laying on the floor of the museum. A small crowd gathered around the group and the sculpture, mostly parents of the scouts, taking photos and laughing at the girls’ enthusiasm. Lexa rolled, and her eyes locked with the blue eyes she hadn’t been able to get out of her head.

Clarke smirked and giggled, taking in the sight of Lexa on the floor.

The brunette gaped for a second at the pretty blonde, before jumping back into her playful banter with the scouts, encouraging them to keep exploring. When she looked around again, Clarke was gone. “Damn it,” she muttered to herself, before hurrying across her galleries, eyes on a middle-aged couple getting too close to another sculpture.

* * *

Clarke walked away from Lexa and the horde of scouts, not wanting to interrupting the girl’s focus while dealing with the rambunctious group of girls. She giggled to herself as she walked through the contemporary galleries, mind on how cute Lexa had looked, rolling around on the floor, her every move mimicked by the children on the floor around her.

She turned a corner and jumped as a high pitched voice whispered _“Look at me… Look at meeee…”_ Startled, she looked around the gallery, eyeballing a doll in a small blue case, a video of a face being projected onto its head. She grimaced. “What the fucking fuck?” she said to herself, creeping closer. “ _It’s good!”_ the doll yelled, making her jump back in surprise.

“Horrifying, isn’t it?” asked a soft voice behind her.

Clarke jumped again. “Jesus, Lexa, you scared the shit out of me.” She held her hand to her chest, her pulse racing. From fright or from proximity to Lexa? “Don’t do that to me!”

Lexa laughed. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. This piece freaks everyone out. It was the worst when they were installing it, and we couldn’t see it because of the curtains. But we could definitely still hear it.” The brunette shuddered.

“Who made the acquisition decision on this?” Clarke asked, suspiciously glaring at the doll, as it continued to whisper.

“Oh, that would be Thelonious Jaha, our contemporary curator. This is right up his alley. We just acquired it last year too.”

"Ugh..." Clarke took one last look at the offending piece of art before turning back to Lexa. “So why didn’t you text me? I was really hoping you would..” The girl paused, looking at her companion hopefully.

Lexa blushed. “Oh, um.. I really was going to. I just couldn’t figure out the words to say I guess. I kept freaking myself out. It’s creepy right, to hit on someone while I’m at work?”

The blonde shook her head. “Trust me, if I thought you were creepy, I wouldn’t have given you my number. I thought you were cute as soon as I saw you.”

Before Lexa could respond, Nyko appeared behind her. “Push time!” he crowed, arriving to send Lexa to her next position in the daily rotation.

“Ah.” Lexa’s eyes darted between Nyko and Clarke, not wanting to end her conversation with the blonde. “Well, I have to go downstairs now, but um, you could come with me if you want?”

“But I don’t have one of the little clips. Won’t I get kicked out?”

Lexa reached a hand into her apron, pulling out one of the green tags. “No worries,” she replied. “You’re an ACAD student, right? Y’all get into it for free all the time anyway.”

Clarke smiled, and followed Lexa down the stairs, sliding the tag onto the edge of her t-shirt. "So what's your favorite part about working here?" she asked, bounding down the stairs after the brunette.

Lexa nodded to Artigas, sending him on to his next post, before turning to Clarke. "Walk with me?" she asked.

Clarke nodded, turning the corner further into the exhibition, stride matching Lexa's.

"I'm so spoiled working here. I get paid to talk to people about art. And I mean, remind them not to touch things too. But really, it's the conversations with visitors that I love. Getting someone to look at a piece from a new angle. Hearing stories of why people love certain pieces. Watching kids engage with new ideas. I love it all. Long term, I want to have big picture influence over visitor experience in a museum." She sighed. "People think museums are neutral spaces. But they aren't. Every single decision we make as an institution promotes some idea or another. And besides that, museums were founded as colonial, imperialist institutions. It's going to take some radical thinking and lots of institutional overhauling to make them accessible spaces for everyone. If you're an indigenous person or queer or someone from a colonized community, museums aren't welcoming. I want to change that."

"Wow," breathed Clarke.

"Sorry, was that a little much? Normally those thoughts all stay on Twitter," Lexa laughed. "Well, on Twitter and in text rants to my museum friends."

"No, I think it's amazing. I never thought about museums that way before."

Lexa shrugged. "Most people don't. And honestly, I didn't either for a long time. But I've done a lot of reading and learning from other museum professionals. There are some amazing Black and Indigenous scholars working in the field, and mostly I just shut up and learn from them. If you're not doing anti-racist and anti-colonialist work, I probably don't have time for it."

The door opened, startling both girls.

"Hold that thought," Lexa moved towards the door. She addressed the small group of visitors in a pleasant voice,"Hi, welcome to the new special exhibition. Photography is encouraged, just no flash. You’ll note tread tape lines on the floor in front of many of the paintings. Please respect those barriers with your whole body. Enjoy!"

Clarke stood back, watching the interaction with interest.

"Do you say the same thing every time?" she asked, as Lexa walked back to her.

"You have no idea," Lexa snorted. "I'm pretty sure I say that spiel in my sleep now. It just rolls off my tongue, but if I get messed up, hoo buddy, I get flustered fast."

"You're cute when you're flustered though." 

Lexa blushed again.

"See!" Clarke poked Lexa in the ribs. "That's exactly what I'm talking about."

"Clarke quit, that tickles! I'm at work, I have to be professional!"

"I'll quit when you agree to go on a date with me this week." Clarke negotiated, with a smirk.

"Seriously?" Lexa couldn't believe her ears. "Yes, just name the time and place."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see the creepy piece that freaks Clarke out, it's here:
> 
> http://www.columbusmuseum.org/embark-collection/pages/OBJ45704/?sid=15&x=347681&port=32170
> 
> I'm going to try and take a video of it soon too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is ridiculous, Anya confiscates her phone, date plans are made!
> 
> Thanks to my coworker and friend who actually sent a similar text, following which I actually confiscated his phone. Bless.

4:45 PM

Lexa Woods

I have tickets to Science After Dark on Thursday night at the Polis Science Center. Would you like to go with me?

 

4:50 PM

Clarke Griffin

I’d love to. Pick me up at 5:30?

 

4:51 PM

Lexa woods

Perfect. I can’t wait.

 

4:53 PM

Lexa Woods

Oh, and Clarke? The theme is Pick Your Poison.

* * *

Thursday morning rolled around quickly, and Lexa’s anxiety about her upcoming date with Clarke found her pacing around the atrium of the museum, waiting for the morning meeting to start.

 

Anya walked around the corner, clipboard in hand, unsuspecting of the gay disaster barreling towards her.

 

“Anya, thank God.” Lexa started.

 

The blonde dropped her clipboard, plastic echoing on the marble floor. “Jesus, Lex. Don’t scare me this early in the morning.” She picked her clipboard up off the floor and straightened the papers on it. “So what’s the gay emergency this time?” She smirked at her friend.

 

“Don’t make fun of me. I’m panicking about this date with Clarke! What if she doesn’t like the science museum? What if she thinks its stupid that I took her to a museum when I met her at a museum? What if she doesn’t like me? Anya, she’s so cute and she said yes to a date with me, that has to be a fluke right?” She huffed.

 

“Whoa. Slow your roll tube socks. That was a lot all at once.” Anya glanced at her clipboard. “Take a deep breath. I’ve got to run this meeting, but then I can come find you on post after we open?”

 

Lexa took a deep breath. “Yeah, that’s fine. Of course. Sorry. I”ll be in South Hall.”

 

“I know, Lex. I wrote the rotation.”

* * *

20 minutes later, Anya walked into the hallway, ready to calm the anxious Lexa. “Hey, disaster gay. What are you doing?”

 

“Texting Clarke,” Lexa replied, not looking up from her phone. “I think I’ve got what I want to say.”

 

“Let me see.” Anya snatched the iPhone. She gave a quick glance at the screen before her jaw dropped. “Lex, what the fuck?” She looked back down. “ _‘I can’t wait to see you tonight, you always look like a snack, and girl I am HUNGRY.’_ Please tell me you weren’t going to send this??”

 

Lexa blinked. “I uh, yes?”

 

Anya put Lexa’s phone in her pocket before bringing her hands together in front of her nose and breathing in deeply. “Lexa.” she started, pointing her hands at her friend. “What the fuck?”

 

“You look like that Spongebob meme. BOI.” she mimicked the other girl’s movement.

 

“Don’t interrupt me. Lexa, no. You cannot send this. Hell no. I am confiscating your phone. For your own good. Jesus Christ.” Anya turned on her heel and marched away, still muttering to herself. “Fucking useless lesbian.”

 

“Hey! Come back with my phone!” Lexa called. “I need to text Clarke!”

 

“FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!” hollered Anya, waving the iPhone as she turned the corner back into the atrium.

 

“Sonofabitch.” Lexa muttered, glancing back down at her clipboard. “Only seven hours to go.”

* * *

The radio crackled. _Attention gallery associates. The time is now 4:45. Please let any visitors in your area know that the museum will be closing in 15 minutes._

 

“Oh thank god.” Lexa took a lap of her galleries, reminding a couple in the impressionism gallery that the museum would be closing soon.

 

She turned the corner into the gallery filled with European religious art. Two teenagers sat at the table, an almost finished puzzle in front of them, pieces in hand.

 

“How’s the puzzle going, Aden? John? Almost done?”

 

The two teens turned to her, frustration on their faces.

 

“Ahh.” she continued. “I see we’ve gotten to the point on this puzzle that all of the pieces are the same color.” She chuckled. “You’ve got this though. Only 15 minutes until we close! But I know y’all can do it.”

 

“Lexa! You have to help us!” Aden groaned and put his head down on the table.

“Please! I know you’ve done this puzzle, at least help us get one or two pieces,” the other boy continued.

 

“Alright, alright.” Lexa picked up one of the pieces and held it up towards the painting, comparing the image on the piece to the painting on the wall. “This one,” she nodded. “This one goes right here. She easily clicked the piece into place. “Ok, and this one over here,” she grabbed another piece. “This one should fit right… here.” Another piece in place.

 

The boys cheered.

Lexa grinned and shook her head at their enthusiasm. “Alright, finish this up and I’ll see you again tomorrow for Teen Open Studio, right?”

 

The two boys nodded. “See you later!” they called after her, as she walked out of the gallery.

 

A few minutes later, the radio clicked to life again. _Alright gallery associates, it’s that time. 5 PM. West galleries, how do we look?_

 

Lexa pushed the button on her headset and spoke into the mic. “Clear!”

 

_East galleries?_

 

Lexa tuned out as Anya quickly cleared the rest of the galleries with the team.

 

_Hold positions, stand by._

 

A few seconds passed before Anya’s voice came back through the headset. G _alleries are clear, if your spaces are clear of visitors, you are free to go. Thanks for your hard work today._

 

Lexa darted down the stairs, pulling her radio from her belt and headset from her ear as she rounded the corner towards the staff door. She grabbed her badge and held it to the door scanner. It beeped, and she pulled the door open, continuing down the stairs. She badged into the second door and raced toward the time clock computer, typing in her login information and clocking out in record time. She turned and emptied her apron, pulling out spare post-its and pencils, tossing trash into the garbage, and folding her apron before putting in its bin.

 

“In a hurry, Lexa?”

 

“Hot date, Woods?”

 

Her co-workers laughed and heckled her, as she grabbed her bag out of her locker and snatched her keys. “Shut up, I don’t want to be late!”

 

“Go get her, tiger!” called Nyko.

* * *

Lexa pulled her SUV into a parking spot in the quiet apartment complex. She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Clarke.

 

5:28 PM

Lexa Woods

Hey Clarke, it’s Lexa. I’m here, I think?

 

She twiddled her thumbs after sending the text, scrolling through Twitter to occupy her anxious mind.

 

A knock on the passenger window startled her, and she looked up, grinning at the sight of Clarke.

 

The blonde pulled the door open, hopping into the front seat. “Lexa, hi! It’s so good to see you.”

 

“Clarke. You look amazing. That jacket is.. wow. Fantastic.”

 

“Thanks! I made it. Well, I took the sleeves off of a leather jacket and sewed them on to the denim vest. I’ve been sitting on it as a project for like, 2 years. This week I finally decided I had to finish it.” She laughed.

 

“Well, it’s really awesome.”

 

Clarke smiled. “So are you ready for Science After Dark? I’ve never been to one of these before.”

 

“Absolutely! I haven’t seen this exhibition yet, but I’ve heard there’s all kinds of venomous animals on display and tons of information about the history of poison. Plus we could go to a Planetarium show if you want.”

 

“That sounds great.” Clarke reached her hand across the center console and squeezed Lexa’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “I’m excited, I haven’t been to the Science Center since I went on a field trip in the 4th grade.”

 

Lexa glanced down at their joined hands and smiled happily. “It’s changed a lot since then! They’ve added some really amazing new permanent exhibitions and a motion simulator. Plus tonight there will be themed food and drinks!”

 

“I’m glad you invited me.”

 

Lexa pulled the SUV into the parking garage, rolling down the window and pushing the button for a parking ticket.

 

“Ready?”

 

“Ready.”

 

The two girls grinned at each other, as Lexa took Clarke’s hand and pulled her towards the elevator.


End file.
